On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I lost the right to judge tonight
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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