oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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