Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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