Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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