I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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