I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
