I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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