I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
