I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
