umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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