I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
