dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
