would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
