He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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