I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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