Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
