On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
