we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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