just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
