It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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