she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
