Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
