Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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