i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
