I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
