he wants to bone in the snuggie
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
