I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
