ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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