so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
