he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Someone signed my nipple.
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