at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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