dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got inside last night via doggy door
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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