There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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