Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
