I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
