i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
