I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
