LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
