I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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