The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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