i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My feet surprised me
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