The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I cockslap morals
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
