Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
