So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
