there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
