So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
