I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
