new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
