I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
