even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
