apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
