So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Can I color on your dick again?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
