well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
