He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
