Where is the hickey?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
